Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Still dying that you shit outside
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
