I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
