im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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