I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
