Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
