Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Randomize
