saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My ATM looks so different sober.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
