Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I smell like Dick and happiness
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize