The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
