Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
