if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize