she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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