let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
