if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize