Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
