the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
