you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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