I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize