So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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