Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize