Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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