He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
