you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
