ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize