it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
