It's Friday. Sex?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
