well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
