I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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