is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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