I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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