let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
