Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize