My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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