Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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