dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
