Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
