I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
