Jerry, you need to find god
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize