Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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