Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize