Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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