Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
