i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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