So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
And then my night got REAL pukey
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
