I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
