the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He's on the porch naked. Help.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
