Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
