I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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