You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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