I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
