Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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