no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
