Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I love how my cats smell like pot.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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