Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
