yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
