come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
