omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
