i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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