Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize