I faked an abortion last night.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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