Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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