garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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