I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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