I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
