This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
