We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
