i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
