A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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